SCORE: a whopping 3.6!! (out of 10)
Number of Voters: 240
Alrighty then! This was the first picture to be judged. I must thank the academy! I love you all!

Comments:
Tiger says, "You just look so. . .gay!" You wish!

Rebecca screamed, "HAVE YOU GONE MAD?" Noperdoodles!

Mom, "You make me so proud!" Shucks, Mom!

Jodi remarks, "What the hell were you thinking? I gave you a 4." I was thinking to myself, "What a Wonderful World!"

And finally, Amy chimes in with "I gave him a 7. He had a really good beat that I could dance to." THANK U!

So there you have it. Part One.

SCORE: another 3.6!!
Number of Voters: 258, good work people!
I call this look, the Caberet Vampire. "Ich bin euer Conferencier!" I really expected this picture to do better than the last, but who can argue with the whims of the web?

Comments:
Dawn S., "I rated it a 7. I really liked the other better, despite the eyeshadow. This one is very dark and it reminds me of that Taco guy in 'Puttin' on the Ritz.'" You mean it?! Taco!! Wow!!

Rebecca responded "Very cool, Patrico." She meant 'Taco.'

And wonderful Melissa just screamed "awesome." Your enthusiasm is killing me, folks!

And benevolent Auntie Jan groused, "I just spent way too much time at that stupid site(not mine, silly) looking at pictures of total losers and geeks and never saw Pat.(no comments, smarty!) If I did, I was too numb to recognize him." IT'S ME PAT!! Don't you know me, Jan?!. . .Jan?, are you Okay? Somebody get the smelling salts! She's doing it again!

And that concludes Part Two.

SCORE: 4.5, Yesss!! I am the man!! Did I mention that a score of 10 is considered hot?
Number of Voters: 234
This picture was taken in downtown Phoenix during rush hour, encouraging commuters to lean out their windows and shout "Nice nipples!" (not featured here, sorry!)

Comments:
Christy B. coos, "He is sooooooo (yes, 7 o's, I counted) fine!!!!" Uh huh.

Rebecca queries, "My first thought was the blind angel in Barbarella. But for nostalgia's sake, I gave you a 10. Are you having fun yet?" Could a blind angel apply eye make-up so well? I think not.

Sharon commented, "I am trying to watch Blind Date!" You suck!

Part three is over.

SCORE: 3.4
Number of Voters: 318
Isn't she lovely?

Comments:
Dawn S. declares, "OhmiGod. . . he's the white Prince!!!"
Yes, I am funky.

Christy B., sounding very AbFab, "Pardon me sir, do you have any grey poupon? I would love to spread it on your bread!!!!! hee hee" I have hot dog buns!

Rebecca laments, "Well this one I had to back off of my perfect 10 scores a wee bit. Looking at you in this one made me feel funny." That feeling is love, Rebecca.

Part four out the door.

SCORE: 4.5
Number of Voters: 261
This one is for the pedophiles!!

Comments:
Alyssa G. gushes, "It is very saucy!" Like budda.

Janet H. muses, "I thought this picture was great. I was going to give him a 9 until I scrolled down and saw the rainbow pants--that pushed him up to a 10!!!"
Really, you are too kind, Janet.

Amy M. baffles with this statement: "Ruffle my feathers and I'll feather your ruffles--that's hot! I'll give it a 9 as a 10 is reserved for Patrick Rafter with wet hair." tweet.

Dawn S. enquires, "Can you get me a date with him? ;) Just the fact that he has the guts to put it on gets the points with me!" That is the first time I have ever created a face out of punctuation marks! Thank you Dawn for giving me this outlet! ':<) (:{) {;<(

And Christy B. apes, "oh my god, talk about a fine looking banana!!! (the yellow shirt and all-since i am a monkey.) hell, i'll sing him that discovery channel song. . --"you and me baby aint nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel!!!!"" I should be scared, right?

Rebecca brings it home with, "This one could become a favorite of NAMBLA. Frankly, I am worried for your reputation." Do you really think the North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes will like it?

Part five ends thusly.

SCORE: 3.7!!. this was accompanied by a note saying that I was "hotter than 90% of the men on the site." A 3.7 is hotter than 90% of the men on that site?! Who exactly am I up against here?--retired carnies?

Number of Voters: 387, at least I am popular, huh?
I must admit, I actually really like this shot. I included it in this collection because I have seen many expressions of horror from bookers who happened upon this picture.

Comments:
Lauren B. observes, "It's Tammy Faye!!!" Ah ha-ave sinned!

Janet H. observes, "All I can say is that if you ignore the manly chest and put a white streak in his hair--he would look just like the Bride of Frankenstein." Do the who with the what now?

John B. screams from the abyss, "Is that your dolled up head pasted onto someone else's body? And either way, where you been hiding that hair? You're giving Sharon (Lady Cobra) some serious competition. Spoooookyyyy!!!" Apparently, I forgot to tell John about my body transplant. Oh, and my hair transplant--thanks Tyrell!

Rebecca laments, "I sometimes look at your modeling pics, and I think to myself--I knew him when he was just some bagel flippin, pink jeans wearin man with a missionary past, and who knew?. . .a super model future? You've come a long way baby. I just wish this wasn't the end." And you are? I know you from where now?

Alas, this is the end of this joyous experiment in narcissism. But never you fear, I will continue to take horrible pictures, and you will see them. You may send additional comments to me here. Be sure to tell me which picture you are commenting on. Ta ta!