My Royal Ancestors

I list these people's names here just on the off chance that it will convince someone to offer me a throne just to uphold my long family tradition. The names are in rough chronological order by birthdate, from the most recent to the most distant past. The dates after the names are birth and death dates (not the dates that they ruled), but some of the dates are just guesses.

As you can see below, my family lost the English throne to the Tudors in the 14th century. Any fool can see by Henry VIII's behavior that the Tudors should never have come to power, so clearly the throne should have been passed down to me! Right? Come on now . . . you know how much happier the British would be under my own queer leadership. And all those other countries too—I only mention the British in particular because my family remained on the English throne a little longer than any of the other thrones. I'm the direct descendant of everyone from the very first king of England to the very first king of the Roman Empire. I'm even directly descended from several saints (St. Ferdinand and St. Margaret the Exile—both were also royalty) and from several subjects of Shakespeare's plays (Cymbeline, King John).

I'm only listing the queens and kings who are my direct ancestors here—not my indirect ancestors or lesser levels of royalty. Queens and kings are color-coded by country as follows:

England, the Britons, the Cattuvellauni and the Silurians   Scotland, Scotia and Picts
León and Castile (both are now parts of Spain)   Italy and the Holy Roman Empire
Germany, Hungary, Cologne, Wenden and the Saxons   France, the Franks, the Burgundians, the Sicambri and Soissons
Other (the Rugi and the Thuringians)

I'm directly descended from every single one of those people (not including Julius Caesar). An impressive list, yes? All right then—where's my throne??????

P.S. Yes, it's true, dozens of the people on that list married and interbred with their first cousins (as royalty were required to do) and so I'm terribly inbred. Luckily, by this time their genes have probably been diluted just as thoroughly as their fortunes.

Back to "About Me"
©2000 by QueerByChoice. All rights reserved.