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May 03, 2008 07:11PM
How much have i changed? where has that almost demented crazy charactor who was afraid of nothing and no-one who used to run along ladbroke grove at 4 in the morning out of his mind on god knows what, full of blood and loving life and all its got to give (as the song goes) actually gone?...Ive no idea, i didnt realise he was slowly disapearing and never thought to look or more to the point i never even thought about him....bloody odd to be thinking bout myself in these terms but i recently caught myself wondering just who the hell have i become?...Im probably hitting my male menopause with a vengance and if so i want to enjoy the confusion and uncertainty for what it is so please humour me or at least try to understand that im not quite as sure of things as i used to be., The last time i felt something similar was that all consuming period known as puberty...oh what a laugh a minute that was!! and then the overwhelming confusion when it came to my sexuality and the total delights of experimentation of it all.
And then boom! after years of thinking you have it all sussed and your life has been rolling along at a steady rate..little nagging doubts and the unfairness of how "youth is wasted on the young, they just dont know how to enjoy it".. and all those bloody "Whats it actually all about when you get right down to it " thoughts have suddenly popped up...Now dont get me wrong, im not quite ready for the funny farm just yet, These thoughts havent driven me all the way around the bend up to now but im really quite amazed that without even trying ive somehow morphed into a different person without the aide of Hair dye, Make-up, Smoke or Mirrors, infact its happend by a method that for years and years id avoided any contact with....its happened naturally..... Ive grown up and i never ever meant to ..aint life a kick in the wobbly bits sometimes!!
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December 13, 2007 02:56PM
So, like the long lost sheep, here i am back in the fold that is Bowienet.
I always knew id return and never for one moment stopped loving my hero. For years id been carried along in the wake of the Good Ship Bowie, loving it all and having the time of my life when suddenly......There i was at the Riverside studio standing in the adoring audience as David performed the Reality album and i just didnt get it! i couldnt believe i was feeling like that, id had this sort of creeping doubt that came with the Hours album, and a sense of unease over Heathen, now this..what the hell was going on, Hindsight is a wonderful thing and after a while Heathen came to me for the masterpiece it is, Reality to this day i still dont get, altho i stopped worrying bout it long ago and in the great scheme of things it isnt important at all, but in a moment of madness on its release and amidst my confusion i decided to jump ship and curb the all powerful influences that the Mans music had over me for 30 year., Time to look elsewhere i thought, Not once did i find an artist that could hold me spellbound in the way Davids work has done, but then again, im not the same person i was way back then. I made an idiotic decision and didnt go to the Reality tour show i had tickets for in Glasgow and then when David had his incident and took ill i was wracked with a fear that id never see him perform again...the memories flodding back, Id been crushed in the stalls at Newcastle city hall, in 73, my makeup running down my face, my ankles twisted in the platform shoes i was wearing, The cheap red hair dye that ruined my clothes...The all night bus trip from newcastle to London in 76, wearing the waistcoat and killing myself with smoking gitanges, for one night at wembley then travelling back up on the overnight coach afterwards, all the other shows, Hammersmith Labbatts....Glastonbury!, all those memories, what was i thinking by walking away!...and then, a good few months after Davids incident, i wake to what i think is terrible heartburn REALLY bad heartburn.....I then woke up in intensive care to be told..Heart attack! I was 46, im to young to die..or maybe not?
now after the cheap makeup and hair dye, the terrible ciggies, the outlandish clothes, the constant beatings i took from thugs because of my look...oh and the shaved eyebrows, im thinking all should be forgiven that i had a moment of doubt because emulating your heros medical condition has to count for something...doesnt it?
I wonder if we share the same medication?...theres devotion for ya!
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