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May 17, 2009 08:09PM
A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How, alas, poor Yorick's jokes drew groans
He'd dance 'n' sing 'n' kiss my hand
Like Elsinore was Neverland
Butt then he went 'n' joined the Skull 'n' Bones
'n' now, Horatio, I get shivers
With every line the ghost delivers
All the Globe has been dark
'Cause somethin' rots in Denmark
I can't recall a thing as weird
As when dear old Daddy reappeared
To say that he'd been incense-eared
The day King Hamlet died
So...
To - be - or to choose not to be?
That's the question I'm digestin' in my so-lil-o-quy
'n' when fortune aims its slings 'n' arrows at me
Tell me how I'm gonna live through Act III?
Answer, please, iambically
Did you'd like Shakespeare in Love?
'n' did you'd rewind for scansion of
Gwyneth with her wardrobe gone?
Now, do you'd believe in English Lit?
Is brevi-ty the soul of wit?
If in so then why's this bloody play so long?
Well, I knowed this role has real cachet
For each Branagh 'n' Olivier
Mel Gibson draws blood nice
Man, I dig that Passion of Christ!
I was a young, great Dane in British schools
With my pet Ophelia 'n' a dad who RULES
Butt I knew we'd been played for fools
The day King Hamlet died
So here's the question:
To - be - or choose rather to be
Suicidal or to idle apathetically
Or is volition all it's cracked up to be
If in "to die, to sleep, to dream" is love-ly?
Um, explain the question to me
Less than TWO MONTHS since the obit ran
'n' Lord knows, frailty, thy name's wo - man
My dumbass uncle wears Dad's ring
So I set the stage for a royal sting
What a script! I thought the play's the thing
Where I'll catch the conscience of the king
Oh 'n' while the king enjoyed the show
The players showed him whack his bro
The king stomped off 'n' cried
O!!! J. yelled Homicide!
So Let's Make a Deal, Queen Mother, who
Is bee-hind curtain number two?
How now, a rat? I sliced him through
The day Polonius died
I was thinkin'
To - be - or to go with Plan B?
Is it nobler just to soldier on Shakespeareanly
Or fly off to the undiscovered coun-try?
Frickin' conscience makes a coward of me
Get me to a fun nunner-y
Hanky panky? Nope, Ophelia's cranky
Could she be ticked that I nailed that Yankee?
Maybe 'cause I knifed her daaaaaad?
She shouted Foul! in her wrath
You'd never tread on my primrose path!
(Guess my joke 'bout "country matters" made her mad)
Now, the nymph went nutso north-northwest
Went 'n' took a swim completely dressed
She sank just like a ship
So-o-o here's the moral: skinny-dip!
Poor Laertes missed his tour de France
Butt merde this ain't no cheap romance
(Ask Guildenstern 'n' Rosencrantz)
The day Ophelia died
'n' I was thinking
To - be - or to other-than-be?
That's the question - screw depression - death sounds painless to me
This too too solid flesh should melt melt like brie
'n' resolve into a fondue - yum-my!
Serve it with some crumpets 'n' tea
Oh 'n' there we were all in one place
Equipped with poison, swords 'n' Mace
With Fortune there to shape our ends
So cum on fence me nimble, fence me quick
Back-scratch me with you'd tainted prick
'Cause - Fie! - Bet you'd ass we're foiled again
So Laertes 'n' I both got poked
Mom drank New Toxic Carb-Free Coke
The king was S.O.L.
Thus ends his sworded tale
I said, My name ees Hamlet Junior, guy
You'd keeled my dad; prepare to die
(Yep, I stole that from The Princess Bride)
The day King Claudius died
I was thinkin'
To - be - or choose alternately?
That's the question I'm pro-cessin' in Scene I of Act III
To end these shocks or bear 'em heart-achingly
Quotin' Sonnet Number 73?
(That one's too depressin' for me)
[Soft you'd now]
I met a girl named Juliet
'n' her boyfriend whose name I forget
(What's in a name, man, anyway?)
I led Othello to his death
'n' made life a bitch for King Macbeth
Till the Bard said, Dude, you'd in a different play
So meanwhile back at Elsinore
A bunch of guys cum to mop the floor
It's Fortinbras's legions
I guess we're now Norwegians
'n' the three co-stars I riled most
Laertes, Mom 'n' King Claudi-os
Went off to hang with Daddy's ghost
The day that Hamlet died
I see dead people
To - be - or choose oppositely?
Are we tougher if in we suffer indefatigably
Or take up arms against a turbulent sea
Of the troubles fortune's slingin' at me?
Screw it let's go watch some TV
We were thinkin'
To - be - or to not freakin' be
That's the question we're obsessin' 'bout interminably
Butt as for us, the answer's clear: NOT TO BE
Caught in THIS Shake-spear-e-an trag-e-dy!
~~~~~ THE END ~~~~~
[Horatio:]
Good-night, sweet prince
[Hamlet:]
I'm not quite dead
[Otis:]
You'd pal Otis
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May 16, 2009 09:21PM
I shall use dope, hard, makes me happy
No pain when I pass some down
My gullet, though pallor gets paler
Brain circuits cum unwound
Drink till I’m blind, out of commission
'n' prostrate is my stance
I slam ’back till I’m tight; prostate
Can’t hold it I’ve wet my pants
On my diet, drugs, I’m feckless
I need dog hair 'n' mo’
I’m wasted most every single night
In medication throes
Cerebellum seems to be queasy
I take one of these 'n' I smile
I’m gonna grab a big crack rock; it
Gets me restless while
I look for opium for stonin'
’cause my bong’s got seeds, ain’t beleaved
Then someone says, “Here’s a strong taste, my friend!”
I feel relieved
Butt my consciousness has left
Then my amygadala yo-yos
My cerebellum’s wakin' up
'n' cerebration grows
Now I’m gooned on stuff forbidden
I start to turn from Jekyll, Hyde
’cause morphine is my lady
It keeps me very satisfied
When it cums to pain, it’s able
I’ve a hunch, that it’s nostrum gain
I’ve no interest in makin' love
Libido’s down the drain
Got a good samovar that’s full o’ gin
I mean the real thing 'n' not “sloes”
I’m goin' to have cannabis tonight
I’ve vegetation chose
Now I’m feelin' it, the pane of window
'n' my ganglia are frayed
It’s my twenty-second cure, they
On the table are now arrayed
One cure’s meth 'n' a gigantic
Portion I now ingest
Some profess that it is Stygian
I don’t care, ’cause “ice” is my quest
My glowin' eyes are fixed upon
Oglin' the rainbows
Which must mean I’m peakin'
I’ve a celebration pose
Ein stein I hoist; it’s frothin' good
Faulty memory, ’cause I’m drunk
Passed out ’bout an hour ago
'n' the belt had smelt like skunk
I look so inaccurately biteful
With my gums so slippery-wet
Because I’d been sippin' drained rye
Then imbibin' a gallon, yet
Next I do not drink forsook the gin
I’m off now to tame my ego
I’m wasted in eclectic vice again
In medication throes
It’s the fifth time that I’ve hurled
Inside of a wretched cup
I might be rendered “patient"
If I bring way too much up
“Needs a nurse, this boastful boozer!”
Begins to bark, a snide, uptight troll
He’s aggrieved at all the barf that leaves
What’s termed by some “piehole”
I’d spent all day in ventin', shitful
Through my rear it blows
Gotta clear my head black tar’s the stuff
For excacavation flows
Or dreck vacation woes
White cross I eat it’s failed, I’m certain
To get my head heady as yeast
Fat chance I’d be poppin’ a
Pill who’s potency is decreased
My spoon’s heatin' some crack, an’ over
The top it’ll take me, I’m sure
My pill needs now consummated
I won’t be poisoned if in it’s pure
'n' pantin' 'n' poutin' is the skin-pop girl
Says, “Lout, I want some too, you'd knowed!”
Cacklin' ogre is screamin', pugnacious, up blowin'
Pre-menstruation flows
I’ve got big fright that drug agents
Who seek stupored human crews
Cum round to round up everyone
A coke whore such as you'd
'n' theys bring us to the back alley
'n' theys start from crack to wean
All us those small white boulders
Get our carotids clean
Our bodies then will wrassle
With a turkey cold 'n' slow
So, paranoid, through windows I’m gapin'
My trepidation grows
A Peter Nero hep tune
In my manic brain plays on
I can’t get it out of there
How’d this B side spawn?
I’ll get a pound of tea, yes sellin' it
Might not be within my power
I shall it smoke, bingein' half 'n' then
Fish out the seeds from flowers
Now clean the window, I can see
A drug deal down now goes
Let’s go out 'n' score some we’ll go Dutch
The fenestration: close
Yes, I received the mesc here yesterday
About a dime bag’s worth of coke
'n' khat leaves that’s used for chewin'
Of course, some grass to smoke
Care’s surcease is my intention
Bereft of woe then, untight, tame
Remain tight in the sense of wasted
English entendres what a shame!
Right now I don’t feel so good
Because vessels have emptied, so
Gotta fress a Quaalude lunch
Enervation throes
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May 08, 2009 11:48PM
I saw you'd drawer of tethers,
just how can you'd wear those thongs?
I wondered how it held everythin' together,
Just curious,
so I tried you'd thong.
I tried a thong that makes sopranos sing.
I tried a thong showin' everythin'.
I tried a thong, it made my eyes bulge wide.
I tried you'd thong, it was so wrong.
The back rode deep within me,
I had pain levels out of control.
See the crazy look in my eyes,
Now look away, not a site to behold.
I tried a thong that made my testies cringe.
I tried a thong I'm on lunatic fringe.
I tried a thong the back strap said good-bye.
I tried you'd thong, balls won't last long.
Wished I had a second chance,
for this blood loss put me in a trance.
Feels like fire, drop 'n' roll, now I can't move.
I can't release gas,
need scissors now, so it can pass.
A tight squeeze, now code blue,
The pain grew, my balls plea,
approachin' androgyny.
I tried a thong that's lower stranglin'.
I tried a thong let's forget this whole thing.
I tried a thong that made this grown man cry.
I tried you'd thong, boy it was wrong.......
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