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March 23, 2006 11:20AM
I think Hamsters have a better immune system than mine.
Somebody sneezes, and I’m inevitably under the sheets for three days shivering, surrounded by mucous incrusted tissues, and talking to the dead.
Why am I always sick?!?
I eat well.
I exercise…er…sometimes…
I don’t smoke.
I don’t drink…often…
Maybe it’s stress.
Stress.
I hate stress!
Stress sucks ass!
Colds really are an offensive form of illness. You might think I’m crazy, but Herpes and Colds are on about the same level as far as I’m concerned. Herpes is the gift that keeps on keeping on, while a Cold is like an overbearing relative that overstays their welcome.
A Cold is also anonymous, like someone groping you on a subway then disappearing into the recess of the car. You felt the grope, and then look around desperately for the offending party, ready to give them a piece of your mind. But they are gone. Then you are left with this little piece of humiliation. And then you start to sneeze.
Could you imagine if Herpes suddenly became an airborne virus?
Holy crap that would suck. I think science would finally rally for a cure at that point.
But I digress.
I’m trying this new product, which claims to be the cure for the common cold.
A Canadian product, it essentially activates the macrophages and killer T-cells, in the hope that ones immune system will eradicate the Cold Virus. It costs about $30, and I must say that at the end of the day I feel $30 poorer, and just as sick.
Why am I always sick!
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March 02, 2006 05:11PM
He-Man and Hercules both had it pretty good.
Hidden beneath their tunics and togas were powers that could transform them from slightly muscular heroes, to huge hulking Superheroes.
Prince Adam would either be getting his teeth kicked in, or be in some precarious bind, and have to resort to invoking serious superpowers.
Prince Adam (the alter-ego of He-Man) would pull a strangely shaped sword from its sheath (strapped to his back) and exclaim: “BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL, I HAVE THE POWER”.
With a zap of his sword Price Adam would then transform his pet tiger into a snarling beast, and then himself into bulging He-Man.
Then he’d kick the snot out of somebody.
Hercules had basically the same deal.
Herc would be getting pulverized by the Mask (guy with a galvanized garbage can on his head) or Daedalus (slightly hooded for extra effect) the only other scheming baddie in the neighbourhood, and have to resort to higher powers
He would pull a small ring out from his tunic (which now I think about it was awfully close to his crotch), slip it on his finger, raise his fist in the air, channel some lightening for dramatic effect, and transform in the Mighty Hercules.
Ass-whooping would ensue.
Are these guys completely retarded?
Why didn’t Hercules just keep the ring on all the time? If you’re going to get your butt kicked, why not be prepared?
Why not just walk around with the sword drawn, and be He-Man…oh I don’t know…ALL THE TIME?
Utilize magic powers at all times! Words to live by.
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February 27, 2006 09:48PM
My new doctor seemed like a decent enough chap, except for one glaring thing.
Halitosis.
I’m not talking about a little bit of coffee breath, or some garlic…I’m talking diseased!
You know when you find an old Tupperware dish in the back of your fridge, or God forbid, in your car? You’re not sure how old it is, or where it came from. You open it up, from some sense of morbid curiosity, and that stench hits you, sending you into convulsive fits. A combination of ammonia, sulphuric-rotten eggs, and gym socks.
That was this guy’s breath.
Unbelievable.
He tried to improve his bedside manner by moving closer to me, and really taking an interest in my questions and concerns (I always bring a list, double-sided).
Honestly, I was almost laughing the breath was so bad. It was even bad when he was nose-breathing.
I brought four packs of Polo mints back with me from the UK, and I kept offering him one – but he refused. Maybe accepting candy from a patient violates doctor/patient boundaries? I don’t know.
“You really need this, man”, I kept thinking. “Take the mint. TAKE IT!!”
It was too much.
I’m too nice to tell complete strangers they stink. You come off looking like a complete asshole, and I already manage that well enough without telling people that they’re wilting flowers while whistling.
Then I get really paranoid about my own breath. Do I stink? What if I smell like that?
I came home and showered for 45 minutes. Then I hit the floss and the waterpik.
Damn!!
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