BLOG
March 11, 2011 03:42PM
Hello and Welcome to GOTF, Auld Lang Syne Edition!
Today’s homo died in 1999 but it seems like just yesterday.
So ladies and gentlemen, shake your naughty bits for... QUENTIN CRISP!!!!
I ain’t even gonna lie, I ripped his bio off IMDB... in the interest of time, I hadda cop some shit to make this quick, amirite?
Quentin Crisp was born Denis Pratt on Christmas Day, 1908, in the London suburb of Sutton. He the youngest of four children; his father was lawyer, mother former nursery governess.
In his autobiographical work, "The Naked Civil Servant", he describes a difficult childhood in a rigorously homophobic society. In his early twenties he decided to devote his life to "making the existence of homosexuality abundantly clear to the world's aborigines". He cross-dressed and acted intensely effeminate in public, often at great risk to himself. In London he worked as a prostitute, book illustrator and finally - the source of the title of his autobiography - as a paid nude model as government-supported art schools.
A dramatization of The Naked Civil Servant (1975) (TV), starring John Hurt, was shown on American television to critical praise in 1976. Crisp moved to New York the following year, a move he described as his proudest achievement. He first presented "An Evening with Quentin Crisp" in 1978; it received very favorable reviews (Richard Eder, NY Times) and a special Drama Desk Award for Unique Theatrical Experience. He defined a style with his flashy scarves, purple eye shadow, and white hair swept up under a black fedora.
He died in Manchester, England, aged 90, on the eve of opening another run of "Evening"s. When, in preparation for his move to America, he was asked at the US Embassy if he were a practicing homosexual, he replied, "I didn't practice. I was already perfect".
And if that isn’t enough, here’s a swell creepy portrait of him guaranteed to keep you up at night:
YAY QUENTIN!!!
So what’s the happy haps, y’all? We’ve got ourselves a tsunami and CNN couldn’t get harder over it. Terrible way to start the weekend.
Also, on Oscar night, I saw the Black Swan. It was awful. I’m gonna include my review of it here for two reasons:
1) It pads this entry
2) I want no one else to suffer thru this infected pustule of a film.
Why the Black Swan is an awful movie and you should never see it.
NOTE: I'm gonna tell you everything that happens in this movie. THIS IS ONE GIANT SPOILER
Okay so this movie takes place in what can only be Manhattan because everyone has at least three locks on their tiny studio apartment doors. Nina Sayers is a ballerina who lives with her mom, Erica. She has way too many stuffed animals and her bedroom looks like mine did in the 70s when I had My Pretty Pony bed sheets & matching curtains. For me, that lasted about half a school year, then I guess my grandma gave them to Nina's mom. *SHRUGS* Nina must be a pretty good ballerina, because she gets the role of the Swan Princess by beating a forty year-old Beth MacIntyre (by out-dancing her, not with a hammer). This causes Beth to run in front of a bus, which as we all know, is the BEST way to kill yourself. Way better than a gun, or a knife, or even a toenail clipper.
Almost immediately I noticed that everyone has a waspy name except Thomas (pronounced Toe-MAH) so I just assume he's the big bad in this flick. ***OR IS HE?*** Anyhoo, she got the role by asking for it and when the director told her she had no passion, she bit him. And thus a new lead was born. If I had known a bite would get me places, I'd have bitten Mr. Palalapoulous back when I worked at Peebles Dept. Store, and gotten that god damn make-up counter instead of lingerie. I would have been the best make-up sales person EVAR.
BUT WAIT! Lily (With No Last Name) appears upon the scene reeking of cigarettes and Popov Vodka (it's the one you get from the gun at a bar. It's so cheap there isn't a shelf for it: not top, not bottom, just a spigot). Lily is really hot and has much less real estate on her forehead than Nina does, so I then assume that she is the big bad. **BUT IS SHE?*** Lily is way hotter and her skin tone isn't porcelain; it's more buttery caramel like when your really white frat boy friend marries a Puerto Rican or a Dominican. They're a little dark but they don't have booties that make your hands want to learn how to play the bongos.
So they all make like ballerinas for awhile and Nina begins to feel the tight grip of her mother's cold, (emotionally) dead hands around her neck. So when Lily (With No Last Name) magically shows up one night, they take off for some janky mid-town club and meet those really white guys I mentioned earlier. Nina lets Lily (WNLN) put "E" in her drink. ***OR DOES SHE?*** and they dance, fingerbang in a taxi and go back to Nina's place where Lily (WNLN) eats her out without taking off Nina's underwear. ***OR DOES SHE?***
Nina wakes up the next morning alone and discovers she's late for rehearsal. She yells at her Mom but Moms is all, like, "Whatevs. You were mean to me last night. You should probably go die in a fire right now." Nina books it to the stage only to see Lily (WNLN) dancing Nina's part. So Nina goes all "She's stealing my role!" and Toe-MAH talks her off the ceiling. Lily(oh fug it, you know what I mean) approaches Nina and Nina asks her why she didn't wake her up the night before. Lily goes, "Uh, maybe because I wasn't there last night." And Nina's all flustered and Lily discovers Nina had a dream about getting her underwear licked.
Some other stuff happens around this point but I can't be fucking arsed to go back and watch it again. Oh wait, I just remembered! Nina visits Beth in the hospital with a bunch of shit she stole from Beth's dressing room before she ran in front of the bus. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty god damned sure if someone stole my diamond earrings, I'd notice. But Beth seems more upset about her nail file being stolen (probably because those practicing the black arts can use your nail dust to curse you... which would explain Winona's entire career really). Beth gets so mad she stabs herself in the face about fifteen times. ***OR DOES SHE?*** Also Nina spies Lily fucking Toe-MAH. ***OR DOES SHE?***
THEN IT'S THE BIG NIGHT! Nina's mom calls the theatre because she knows Nina is fucknuts and goes "Nina can't come to school today because she has a stomach ache," (or something like that) and Nina wakes up all "WTF, MOMZ?" and runs to the theatre. Toe-MAH tells Nina she's not the lead Lily is. She convinces Toe-MAH that she's fine and because Toe-MAH is so smitten with someone who is clearly deranged, he relents and gives her the part.
Nina fucks up right off the bat on stage. Now at this point even if your name is Toe-MAH and you still wanted to bang Natalie Portman after her effort in this steaming pile of elephant crap, as the director, wouldn't want to get someone ELSE in the role of the Black Swan? I mean, shit, Betty White is everywhere and if Lily isn't good enough, just call Betty and at least everyone would go home with a good belly laugh.
But sadly this doesn't not happen and Nina blames the prince for dropping her. She goes to change into the black outfit that came with blood red contact lenses that are so fake even Marilyn Manson is laughing his balls off, and discovers that Lily is in costume and ready to go. The tussle for a minute, break a mirror and Nina stabs her. ***OR DOES SHE?*** Now see, if I were taking a big shard of glass and killing someone, I'm pretty sure I'd be cut too. But Nina doesn't have common sense. Either that or she hallucinates the blood & cuts away from her hands. She gets all gussied up and goes out as the Black Swan. She dances so well she sprouts giant black wings that look like they are stolen off the set of "Prophecy" and I can't help thinking how much better this movie would have been with Christopher Walken as Toe-MAH. So once that "hammer of symbolism" was dropped on my head- "OMG, she let go finally! She really IS lost in her role", I could only hope this movie was almost over. But first she has to kiss Toe-MAH
Upon returning to her dressing room she notices that Lily's body is gone. She panics but manages to get dressed back into the White Swan outfit. Just then Lily is at the door! OMG, she's not dead? Lily's all like, "Dude, you were awesome!" and skips away clearly not as upset at not getting the chance as we all thought she should have been. Nina looks around and then finally a pang of pain. She looks down to her stomach. A small bloom of crimson is apparent. Nina gets called back for the death scene of the White Swan and I barely manage to sidestep THAT "hammer of symbolism" as it drops from the ceiling of the bar I was at. ***OR WAS I?***
Nina dances her ass off with no one noticing the White Swan's stomach is having its period (probably not the best time to wear white, I don't care what the Tampax commercial says). She climbs to the top of the stairs for the fall to her death. She does the bit, lands on the mattress and waits for everyone to gather around her like they always do in these movies. She was so good, in fact, that no one notices she's bleeding to death until she utters her last words, "I felt it - perfect - I was perfect,". She then passes on to wherever psychotic ballerinas go when they die... probably like an In and Out Burger since they never get to eat when they're alive.
That’s pretty much it, folks. It is supposed to be a mind-fuck, but it turns out it just a WTF?
tl;dr:
Basically this movie is "Showgirls" in tutus and no titties. It is nowhere near as charmingly camp as "Showgirls". It's not even as charming as "Plan 9 from Outer Space".
This is MFW (my face when) the movie was over:
FUCK THAT NOISE.
In other news: Charlie Sheen. That’s all imma gonna say about that.
Also, apparently Blammo turned Fiddy last September. I just got my IM, so HAPPITY BARFDAY BLAMMO!!!
What else did we used to do?
Oh yes, Sign of the Day
Somehow I don’t think we’re gonna get any action on this so I’ll stop there. Too many people facing submersion and besides, GOTF is like a flash mob. You gotta plan that shit to make it spontaneous.
I’ll just leave this here and head back over to the FaceBooks.
Which begs the question... How do we know Sailor isn’t there, too?
See you when I’m lookin’ at you!
MWAH, ¡FÜ! and Get Fucked!
xoxoxoxo
kmsv666atomicvampsrslywtf.
view comments(0) |
post comment
May 02, 2006 05:56PM
Seriously, I haven't been here in a year. Wow.
Carpe Diem because tempis fugit, motherfuckers!
Speaking of years, Daddy is taking one off. Jolly good for him. I mean, fuck it. Who wants to be putting out music when two Simpsons are top of the fucking charts?
That would be as wrong as Christy Turlington fucking Clint Howard.
Whaddup with the Jon Favreau headshot I'm sporting, anyways? I put it on my friend's pooter as wallpaper, then opened a window so he couldn't see it till he minimized.
Scared the every loving shit out of him! I thought he was gonna fall out of his office chair trying to get away from it.
Try it sometime. It's fun-NAY.
So anyway, here I am a year later. I'll try to keep up with this shit, but man... The last thing I need is responsibility.
I am beginning to think that the secret to life is to play as hard as you work. And haters who be all down on your shit for doing so are fucking useless.
Bitching, pissing and moaning get you nowhere but down. And who wants to hang with a depressed, bitchy fucker?
So if you're one prone to pissing and moaning, try another tactic:
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
In other words, quit bitching and make your own fuckin' fun.
Here's a swell way to start. Get some weed and buy Cheech and Chong's first two movies. Smoke the weed and watch the movies.
You can repeat this with "CannonBall Run" and "Cannonball Run II", "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World", and "Team America".
Stupid movies and dope rule.
And don't forget to buy Twinkies, Cheetos, and some Ho-Hos. And a case of Red Bull.
No go out and start having some fucking fun already!
view comments(5) |
post comment
April 14, 2005 12:24PM
Among the top (non-Bond) theme songs (because we all know that Thunderball RULEZ) of all time, Midnight Cowboy takes the fuckin' cake. It invokes feelings even if you've never seen the movie. It's one swank fuckin' song.
Kinda like how Jaws would not have been so fuckin' scary without that shiz going on in the background. Or how motel showers wouldn't freak you out if it weren't for Psycho.
Kinda the same way the old Incredible Hulk teevee show piano bit at the end made you sad even though Bill Bixby starred in that shit.
If anyone else other than Bill (Courtship of Eddie's Father and Blossom, anyone?) Bixby had been in that shit, it would have ruled. As it stands now, the only good thing to come out of that show was that the paycheck kept Lou Ferrigno in hearing aids for a few more years.
I'm just saying...
Today is Avatar Day, huzzah!
I totally snagged a Doris Day autographed 8x10 for next to nothing this week on eBay from my usual supplier of whack shit. He's got a kajillion comments, all positive and deals in kooky vintage headshots and publicity stills. He's currently trying to procure me a swank Roddy McDowell headshot and a Joan Crawford "Trog" still.
We'll see, I'm not holding my breath.
I also saw an autographed Elvis, Live in Hawaii original poster, signed by The Kang in all of his Fat Elvis jumpsuited glory, in blue velvet and tacky giant gilt frame. They want 2 G's for it. I'm still thinking. I mean, it's AWESOME in it's sheer cheezy-ness, but for that I could throw down and almost get something like Diller doing Warhol...
Cool shit rules. I'm still hoping that the Egyptians were right and when you die all the cool shit in your pyramid goes with you over the river Styx to the next life.
Speaking of Styx, how long do you think it will take for that Mike Brady lookin' lead singer/bitch finally admits he's a total dick and they have a reunion tour? That if that fucknuts hadn't written Mr. Roboto, I'd seriously consider stalking him just to step on his neck.
And while we're on the subject of asshats from awful bands... What the living fuck ever happened to Steve Perry? Seriously, why hasn't some deranged fan of *real* rock and roll ever beat his ass for being such a pussy?
Judas Priest Rules! Dokken are fags!
view comments(3) |
post comment
Next
