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September 18, 2008 06:47PM
on monday, it was one month since i've had any alcohol. not that this has been some big struggle, in fact not at all. i had my fun last summer, with no school. i would most often have a bottle of wine after work. i'd say on average 3 times per week. its been nice. oh my god, i can't believe i'm going to be 24 in three months. just thought of that.
today i was not so into work. for one, i only worked 5.5 hours. and i had yesterday off. i was so frustrated with the state of things with my job that I wanted to cry. no i don't hate my job. I love it. but everyone is slacking majorly and i'm working really hard all the time. i'm not one who is usually affected by this matter as i've been used to in many jobs. i don't pay attention to what other people are doing, i just like to do my best at my job and thats all i can do. but i'm in school on my days off and when i come back to work, its just not fair that i have to work twice as hard to bring things back up to speed. i was just a little too tired to care today. so for the first time (besides when i was sick a couple weeks ago) i just took my time at things and didn't stress about anything. I let a majority of the work fall onto the closing person and I really didn't feel bad about it.
andy and becky picked me up from work and we went to the library for drinks. then we went to hole mole. that was delicious! we stopped into sees and i got my parents a box of chocolates. then they dropped me off. i've been doing spanish homework forever. my first spanish test is tomorrow. i should be doing more studying. i will tomorrow.
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September 07, 2008 07:01PM
so thursday at school, i felt like my allergies were acting up pretty bad. friday at work all day, i knew i was getting a cold. then after work, it just got progressively worse. I texted Elder to see if he could open for me the next day. He never responded. It was also antone's last night in new york and i wanted to talk to him and he was busy and i felt ignored. i didn't get any sleep and felt so horrible all night. 4am came and my alarm went off. I literally said aloud "this is ridiculous" and got up. I took some medicine and went to work. i called the closer to come in a few hours early so i could leave at noon. I left and came home. I had promised Drew that I would get my chair out of storage, so I drove the truck over to get him and we went to get it. I dropped him off, came back home, and went to sleep. I only slept for an hour or so and felt like shit when i woke up. Antone called me from boston and we talked a long time about lots of things. it was good. the bowie line fits our relationship so well "when its good its really good, and when its bad i go to pieces". i feel like we have little spaces of miscommunication and we both feel hurt and neglected. and then we talk about our feelings and our thoughts on the relationship and future plans, and it makes us both feel so much better. i guess i shouldn't expect this to be so easy. it was supossed to get hard and its okay when it does. he's on his way home tomorrow, and then he'll be saving up to come back to me. man, i can't wait.
i slept pretty good last night. slept in till 10ish today. Talked to antone online for awhile. i had someone cover my shift today so i could have a day off. my first day off in 3 weeks and im sick! figures. after my shower, i felt a lot better. i called up a few people i'd been neglecting. i went to Sprouts to check out the new store and see if barbara was working. she was! i looked around awhile and bought some figs and unsweetened banana chips. went through her line and talked to her a bit. the store was packed. i sort of had regrets about not going. but whatever, im not trapped, i can leave if i want ever. we'll see. im happy at vons anyways. just not for long-term. i came home and now i have homework to do. its nice to have the day off though, even while sick.
in other news i'm going back to deer park monastery in november for a weekend retreat. i'm really looking forward to it. i need to spend a good solid few days restructuring my mindframe.
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September 03, 2008 11:00PM
sometimes i wonder what kind of world i live in. but first...
went in to work early today. got a text from elder around 9 asking me to come in asap. since i was taking the bus, i could only take the first earlier bus. so i did and worked 10-4. I bought a few groceries before leaving including a 2 pound organic heirloom tomato. I took the bus home and there was only one seat left when i got on, next to a boy about my age who had his bag in the empty chair. he reluctantly removed it for me to sit and kept playing his sudoku. My giant heirloom tomato fell out of my bag and onto my arm creating for an awkward situation. i was lauging hard in my mind, wishing my life was played out on a movie screen for all my friends at that moment.
I'm now watching the Republican National Convention and am now wondering what kind of world we live in. Actually hearing Sarah Palin's speach gives me anxiety. The whole lot of people there, appluauding after every single fucking thing she says makes me uncomfortable. Nationalism really scares me and I want no part of it. I feel so removed from politics. Maybe its from reading too much Tolstoy.
I talked to Antone a lot yesterday about our plans to move in together in the new year. we're deciding whether he should move to LA with some friends and we keep dating for awhile or just move straight in together as soon as i'm ready. so far we want to move straight in together, but are trying to make a smart decision. but i don't know that i've ever made a wrong decision in my life.
if you know what i mean.
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