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May 25, 2006 06:07PM
As a rule, one keeps one’s finer feelings close to one’s chest. And one would call it an iron rule of the Southpaws not to do something horrendously mushy like go to the ballet with a girl. So, it was a chastened Southpaw – suffering a sea change into something rich and strange – that walked into the Royal Opera House for a performance of The Sleeping Beauty with a female companion for the evening. At this point, I think I may have sought to inject a little levity by suggesting that while I do the sleeping, she can do the beauty.
This was terra incognita for both of us and I believe I can speak for both in saying that the set was lavish and slightly other-worldly, the costumes were in the best traditions of Kingly/Queenly mythical storytelling – no radical directors making the cast wear biohazard suits for this production – and the music was agreeable, if a bit soupy.
But, and I think again I speak for both of us, it was the ballet part that we had a problem with. Now, I could see even without notes the artful way in which a story was told through dance – so far, so good. But inbetween the story there were lengthy and gratuitous displays of dance that were simply ballet for ballet’s sake. Normally through the excuse of a court entertaining the King and Queen, a troop of dancers would parade their talents on the stage before going off to polite applause…and then the whole pointless exercise would repeat itself again…and again, ad nauseum. I think at this point – feeling that the joke hadn’t received the credit it was due the first time – I may have remarked that while I do the sleeping, my companion can do the beauty.
I don’t want to sound too down on the whole thing, I think we just felt that it could have done with some editing. We felt particularly that the wedding scene slightly stretched the patience where narrative-light showboating was concerned.
We retired to a nearby pub where we watched a very amusing scene involving a clearly drunk woman chatting up the barman as her beetroot-faced boyfriend looked on despairingly. It was all action and no fluff.
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May 18, 2006 05:44PM
When I was just a young man – still in the old school tie and busy becoming the upstanding citizen I am today – I would be sitting down at the morning service (as one does) and the school chaplain would tell us about the value of personal sacrifice, selflessness and duty. These, he might have said, are virtues essential in all young gentlemen, especially you Master Southpaw so open your eyes and listen. Well, the reason I tell you this is because nobody could say I was anything other than the perfect gentleman today. In the personal sacrifice stakes I’m going strong and pushing Nelson Mandela and Aung San Suu Kyi for a photo finish. On Monday I go for the first time to the ballet.
Now, not only is Southpaw the sort of chap to beat Nelson Mandela hands-down in the personal sacrifice stakes but he then eats a big slab of humble pie as his celebratory meal. Jamesarthur, I expressed amusement at your visiting the ballet and may have even said something unwise along the lines of ‘you won’t catch me at the ballet until hell freezes over’. To paraphrase The Bard: there is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to ballet.
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May 07, 2006 06:01PM
You know, there are some people out there who don’t always exhibit what we might call the mens sana in corpore sano. Those of you who sat at the back row during Latin, eating your biro’s and walking around the place looking like a walking piece of blotting paper might say instead that some people are non compos mentis. No? Ok, mad as a March hare? Loopy, potty, bananas?
Anyway, now that we’ve all caught up I’d like to introduce Exhibit A: Ahn Sang-gyu. Mr Ahn is a South Korean bee farmer, and like all good South Korean bee farmers he’s not happy about a border dispute between Japan and Mr Ahn’s very own green and pleasant land, South Korea. Naturally, to display his dissatisfaction he has covered himself in 187,000 bees.
"The honeybee dares to abandon its life when enemies are attempting to attack, to protect its own home. From now on, I hope these bees will contribute to protect our Dokdo", Ahn Sang-Gyu said.
He covered himself in some 187,000 bees to represent the dimensions of the islands, which measure 187,000 square metres.
Now, I don’t want to sound like a cynic but I do wonder whether the bees really know they are crossing the Styx when they sting someone or whether it all comes as a bit of a surprise. And while we’re at it, I think Mr.Ahn is stretching credulity to suggest that the bees feel some sort of shared national pride in being part of South Korea. I’ve been on the receiving end of a bee’s ire before and I never once got the impression it was giving me one of the best for Queen and Country.
One can’t help but feel that Mr.Ahn hasn’t been blessed with much of the grey matter. Let me demonstrate how your humble scrivener might have produced the same headlines with less physical discomfort.
"The honeybee dares to abandon its life when enemies are attempting to attack, to protect its own home. From now on, I hope these bees will contribute to protect our Dokdo", Sou Thp-aw said.
He covered himself in 1 bee to represent the dimensions of the islands, which cover one time zone.
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